Domestic or International Adoption

Tonight I was addressed once more by a well meaning person who mentioned that if he ever adopted, he would adopt domestically.  This same person has mentioned to my husband that we really should be adopting a child from the United States.  He didn't say quite that much to me about it, though.  He was polite to me, so I was polite to him.  But the truth is, we get that from people now and then, and it bothers me.  My rule of thumb is to be as forward with someone as they are being with me, and that usually works out just fine.  But now I've been lying in bed (although the caffeine in my sweet tea probably has something to do with it) with these things running through my mind, unable to sleep, so I thought maybe it would help if I shared them.

I think adoption is wonderful.  Adoption here, adoption there - it's all good!  So when someone tells me something like "We really should adopt a child in our own country first," it offends me.  Honestly, it kind of makes me angry. To those people, I want to present this scenario.

Imagine you have lots of kids.  Just for conversation's sake, let's say you have five.  You raise them all, they're wonderful people and you're crazy about all five of them, just like any parent should be.  Four of them grow up and live in the middle TN area just like you do, and one has an outstanding job opportunity and moves to California.  Now, imagine the child in California needs help!  They've been hurt, they lost their job, their home was damaged...whatever kind of disaster you want to imagine.  You can't get there, so it's up to one of your other children to get there and help them.  What are you thoughts?  Probably something like "How soon can you get there?!  GO!"  Or, on second thought, wait a minute.  Do you think that a loving parent would say to the child who lives in Lebanon "No, honey, I know your brother in CA needs you right now, and his house has burned down, and he has nowhere to stay, but don't you think you should check on your brothers and sisters here first, and help the one who lives in Mt. Juliet instead?"  
Would that make any sense?!  

I think of God as the perfect parent.  That's why we call him Our Father!  Can we honestly say that we think, one day, adoptive parents will get to the gates of Heaven, look into the eyes of God Himself, and hear Him say "You've done a good job.  You've helped my children.  You've given them a home and a family.  You saved them.  But I would really have preferred you helped one of my children who was geographically closer to you than the one who was in a different country."  Um, I think not.     


To John and me, the location of the child is irrelevant, other than affecting the means by which we need to bring them home.  We considered adopting from the US, as well as Africa and Haiti...we've considered anywhere, really.  We do have other reasons we choose to adopt from Korea and China.  While some of them are a personal choice that we have every right to choose, believe it or not, one reason we adopt from other countries is actually patriotic.  

Here's the thing.  I did not earn the right to be an American.  It is a God-given privilege.  Some might say the military have earned that right, and to those who serve, and have served, in our military, I say THANK YOU.  I am genuinely grateful!  But when those men and women were newborn babies, they hadn't fought for our freedom yet anymore than I have now.  If you were born in the U.S.A., you did not deserve that privilege any more than the babies born in Africa or China.  God just smiled upon us, people, and blessed us with being a United States citizen.  We're just that lucky...or just that blessed, however you want to see it.  

There are babies in China now, whose birth parents had to be courageous to even carry them through pregnancy and give birth to them.  If those birth parents had been caught pregnant, they would have had a government-mandated abortion.  And the babies have no idea.  They were left on a door step, or at the park, or the street corner, and they have no idea that they're lucky to even be alive and healthy (if they are healthy).  They have no idea where they are.  They have no idea because they didn't ask for it, and they don't deserve it.  

There are kids in Africa right now who are happy because they're loved.  They don't have much, but they've got their family.  They have no idea that by the time they're five years old, both their parents will die of malaria or of AIDS.  And they will be lucky to live to be an adult, because life expectancy there is nothing like what it is here.  They have no idea, because they didn't ask for it, and they don't deserve it.

It sounds cheesy, yes, but I truly am "Proud to be an American."  And I'm THANKFUL.  And I'm HUMBLED.  So why would I look at this gift that was given me, and say to an orphaned child that it's my gift, and I'm going to try to take care of other kids who were given the same gift first, and if I had anything left over, then I will try to send something to them too?  The sad fact is that the poverty stricken of the United States are better off than the middle class in some countries.  There are people here who are jobless, who are on welfare who receive food stamps, and while those people may very much need that help too, they did not earn the right to live in a country who will help them.  The poor in other countries make the poor of America look wealthy.  There are people who drink the same water they bathe in.  There are kids whose parents walk 20 miles one way to get them an antibiotic because there are no such things as pharmacies where they live.  I thank God I don't have to do that!  So why would I not want to cherish this gift and share it with a child who is less fortunate?  ...Specifically, a child less fortunate who has no parents to provide for her? 

I've had someone say to me (I try to tell myself she meant well) "I'm Proud of my country!  I think people should adopt from the United States!  Kids here need help, too!"  Yes, I agree, orphaned children in the US need help as well as orphaned children anywhere.  However, I do not agree that an orphaned child in one region needs to be adopted before an orphaned child in another.  You adopt from here; I'll adopt from there.  Adoption is God's work.  If someone would like to tell me and my husband that we aren't doing God's work correctly, then by all means, please show us how it should be done. It would find homes and families for more orphaned children.

Some day, we'd like to adopt another child from the US.  Honestly, we joke that we'd like to get one from each country!  I know we could never afford that, but a colorful diversity sounds good to us!  But this time around, we're going with China, because it's just what's right or us now.  

Faith, Hope, and Love

Hello, blog readers!  I have several updates to tell.  But first, I must say that I am clearly not a regular blogger these days.  I would love to say I'm going to fix that, starting today, but as soon as I say that, then everything we're working on will consume my time, and three or four months later, I still won't have written another blog post, so at this point, I'm just not making any promises!  But I do have good intentions.  (:-]  I do tend to feel like the time I spend writing a blog could be spent on adoption paperwork, and the paperwork trumps smaller things most of the time, but someone asked me recently if we are still adopting!  So okay, I need to update more often than once a year!

First - we have named our daughter.  No, we don't have pictures yet; those will come later.  We don't even have the home study done yet.  We did fill out some papers and I'm writing my 'autobiography' now so we can get the home study visit underway.  But for now, she has a name, and it's Anna Faith.  We love the name Anna because it's a beautiful Biblical name, and also because John's sister is named Anna, and due to health reasons, she won't be able to raise any children, but she is a wonderful person, and this way her name can carry on.  Faith comes from how much Faith it's taking to get this little girl home.  We love how Anna Faith flows together, so we'll likely call her Anna Faith (rather than just Anna), but she will actually have a total of four names, the poor girl.  When we adopted Sara, her Korean name was Young Ran, and we kept Young as her middle name, so she is Sara Young Besse.  We love that idea, and want to keep a part of our next daughter's Chinese name as well, so she will be Anna Faith (something) Besse.  So now we can pray for her by name!  I don't know why, but that helps me a lot.  I also pray for the other kids in the orphanage, that they'll all learn to be nice with each other, and have enough to eat, and be safe.  We pray a lot for the people who care for these kids, that they'll show them compassion and teach them to be sweet and share, and we pray that Anna Faith will somehow know in her heart that her family is coming.

Secondly, we have paid our home study fee and we're getting this ball rolling.  We wanted, first, to raise as much money as we could before getting started, because if an adoption is not completed within one year of the home study, then the parents will have to pay an extra fee to get the home study updated.  When we're already talking about $28,000, avoiding any extra fee that can be avoided is a good thing.  We don't have nearly that much yet, but we have extra motivation to get started.  For one thing, my daughter is alive, and somewhere without me!  She's having happy moments, sad moments, and probably sometimes feeling lonely, and she may not even know she has a family yet, but she does.  She needs to meet us, and come HOME.  Secondly, we have spent immense amounts time working (and working and Working!), teaching classes, doing photography, computer repair, extra web development (for John), and any other odd jobs we can find to pay for Anna Faith's adoption.  And it's been helpful!  We've earned and saved thousands already!  But in the meantime, when we schedule almost every hour of our day working, it leaves literally no time to do the paperwork to bring her home!  So my goal now is to keep working as much as possible, but not to let it stall the paperwork.  Please pray for us in this! When we take care of our kids and each other, and finish our work and regular life chores at 10:30pm, there really is no energy left for paperwork.  We've got to work it in somehow.  I'm writing this blog now as a result of time I have because of the kids needing extra sleep this morning after being sick.  On a regular schoolday, we would be having breakfast by now, getting ready to start our school work.  I have faith, though, and somehow, some way, I have to make the time to do the paperwork to bring her home.  But while I'm not thankful for illnesses, I'm thankful for a seized opportunity. 

I have been honestly very Frustrated with our lack of progress.  I've been prayerful about it, but just overall extremely frustrated because I feel like Anna Faith is waiting on us, and we're just working and working, but not getting almost any closer!  We wanted to bring her home when she was around 5 years old.  I thoughts she should be 4-5, while John thought she should be 5-6.  So we decided 'around 5' would be just right.  When we decided to adopt, Sara was almost 6 years old, and we wanted her sister to be old enough to play with her, but still be younger than Sara so she would get to be a big sister.  But when Sara turned 7 in September, I realized something.  I think I found a reason to why everything seemed to be taking so long. 

First - a brief explanation of one thing.  Adopting a healthy baby from China (or even a healthy toddler) takes around 5 years.  We do NOT want to wait 5 years.  So we decided to go with the waiting child program for a couple of reasons.  One reason was obviously the wait.  Adopting a waiting child can take closer to one year, maybe a bit more (unless you're like us, and take a year to get the home study done in this case, but I'm getting to that).  Still, it would be a much shorter wait.  Secondly, we decided not to request a baby or a toddler.  In an orphanage, once a child reaches preschool age or older, it gets harder and harder to find them families.  We've been blessed to have three babies, and there's nothing in the world I would trade for that.  But to think that Chinese girls age out of the orphanage at 14 years old breaks my heart.  My oldest child is 14 years old, and he is still a kid!  He's a great kid, mind you, but for goodness sake, I cannot imagine moving out and searching for work and a place to live at 14, with no Mom or Dad to call and ask for help or advice!  Also, we would really like for Sara's sister to be old enough to play with her.  So we decided to request a slightly older child to adopt.  But still, she would have to have some sort of mild special need to be on the 'waiting child' list, or it would still take 5 years. 

In China, a perfectly healthy child who is 7 years old or older is considered a special needs adoption, simply because it is so hard to find them homes at that age.  They have 7 more years to find a family, and then they are on their own.  So at 7, they are put on the Waiting Child list,and if a family wants to adopt them, then their adoption is pushed forward much faster.  At first I didn't want to adopt a 7-year-old because we hoped Anna Faith would be home before Sara turned 7, and I wanted the birth order of my kids to remain the same.  That didn't happen.  So now if we request a 7-year-old, then by the time she comes home, Sara will be 8, and she will still be the older sister!  While I've been extremely frustrated with the lack of speed in our adoption process this time, I do think this was our God's plan all along.  A healthy 7-year-old sister for Sara would fit our family just right.

When she comes home, she will have trouble adjusting, we know.  She'll be fluent in Chinese, and will not be accustomed to being part of a family unit, eating with a family, walking along with us and staying with us at the grocery, all those things that our children learn from the time they can walk, talk, and understand what their parents are saying.  We have a couple of Chinese friends who can help us talk to her sometimes, and we'll use translator apps on our smart phones to help.  Also, Aaron is taking the Rosetta Stone Chinese edition for a foreign language this year, and is doing great with that.  But overall, we'll just love her like crazy no matter what, and she'll be ours forever, so she'll have to get used to us.  :)

This was a longish update this time.  I hadn't posted in a year, people!  Next time I'll be sure that even if it's not as soon as I intend, it will definitely not be a year before the next post.  In the meantime, please help us pray for our second daughter, Anna Faith Besse, and join us in the faith, hope, and the love it will take to bring her home to her family! 

Summer is here

In the past month, we have been busy bees.  John and Aaron spent a week at Boy Scout camp, which was a ton of fun for them both!  I considered taking Aaron myself this year, but the dirt, bugs, and continuous gas-related humor that kind of goes along with the general thickness of testosterone in the air talked me out of it.  :)  They had a blast, though!  Then a few days after they got back, I took the kids to Atlanta, GA for a martial arts training camp, and John met up with us there for that weekend for the martial arts competition that followed the camp.  The kids had a great time, but we came back exhausted, and were ready for a real vacation (one in which we had no schedule or work to do).  So a few days later, we left for a family trip to the beach!  My parents went with us, along with one of my brothers and his family, and one of my sisters and her son.  My kids Love spending time with their cousins and extended family, and they love the beach, so the so had a blast!  We played frisbee on the beach, my nephew brought his metal detector, and he and my two boys and my nephew all really enjoyed searching the beach for hidden treasures (which usually turned out to be a collection of bottle caps and a tent stake, but it's still fun to search anyway!).  We played games in the condo at night, cooked "real food" and in general had a fantastic time just getting away from regular life work and chores, and unwinding!  One morning, Sara and I woke up before John and the boys did, so we took a walk on the beach and found a few tide pools left from the previous night's high tide, and released a few baby fish back into the ocean.  It was so much fun!  

 

Here's a picture of Sara greeting the ocean that morning.  

 

And here she's throwing sand back into the ocean.  I always think it's so cute when kids do things like this.  I wonder if it occurs to them that they can never fill the ocean up with sand, but I don't think they care at the moment.  I think they just feel like adding some sand to the water.  :)

 

This is one of the baby fish we found.  

 

And a couple of beach pics of my family.

So we got back in town, did some laundry, and packed Aaron up again to leave for Covecrest Catholic summer camp.  He left the morning of July 4 (it was the only week our church could get tickets--getting camp tickets to this place is like vying for tickets to a U2 concert!), and just came back Saturday night after an unbelievable time at camp.  FYI, Covecrest is awesome!  Aaron and the other 7 young teenagers who went had a blast rock climbing, tubing, zip-lining through the forest, and participating in a Lot of team-building activities including a course through a mud pit, which (along with the water park) seemed to be the highlight of their week, held on Friday.  They were so proud to be a group of 8, who won "The Gauntlet" (apparently those words had a huge impact for those who went to camp, and knew what the Gauntlet fully was...I'm still gaining an understanding), :) beating teams of 20 to 40 kids with their hard work and teamwork, and walking away with very good-natured bragging rights, and lots of new friends, some as far away as Texas, or any other far-reaching area of the U.S.  


And NOW, my family is all back in town, all 5 of us at the same time!  Woohoo!  We are still missing Besse child #4, though, and haven't forgotten her for a minute, so it's back to work for us.  Regular work?  Yes.  Adoption work?  Yep, that too.  Adoption is a blessing that cannot be measured, the same as the privilege of having a child always is, but it certainly does take work, and a lot of it!


So here's the update.  We have applied with Small World Adoptions, in Mt. Juliet, and our application has been accepted.  We are now saving and raising some money before doing the home study, because the home study expires after a certain amount of time, and if we haven't completed our adoption before then, we have to pay extra to have the home study updated again while we work to complete the adoption.  In other words, if possible, it would be helpful to have all the adoption costs in the bank before we even do the home study.  However, most of the grants and any means of adoption-assistance require your home study to be complete in order to even apply.  So, we'll likely be saving and raising as much money as we can, then as soon as possible, going ahead with the home study with a lot of prayer and faith, and as much help in fundraising events as we can gather.  Once we finish the home study, the race is on!


We are working on several fundraiser ideas right now.  A dear friend has offered to head one up for me, so I am getting her a list of names of people to send an invitation to.  We are hoping to host it at a fun place here in Lebanon, as a kind of ladies' night out, but I don't want to announce it just yet, unless we have the place reserved and it's a definite plan.  :)  I'll keep you all posted on that!  Also, I have a meeting tomorrow with the public safety person with the Lebanon Police Department to discuss a 5K Run to Fund Adoption, or Forever Family Fun Run.  Which name do you like better??  I'd love your input!  I've got a hopeful course mapped out, so he and I will discuss the route, and if we get the OK from the city police, and we already have the general OK from the Mayor's office, then we will set a date and get to work on that!  It will be a Small World Adoptions fundraiser, and those people who participate who would like to donate specifically to our adoptive child need only to write on the memo line of their check "for the child to be adopted by John and Mary Besse".  :)  Also, we are still searching for a place to host a parents' night out, as the previous lock-in did not pan out as we had hoped.  We're thinking parents in general might be more likely to need a sitter if their kids are younger, so we're working on the idea of a PNO for a much larger (but younger) age group, and we have several of you wonderful people who have already offered to help, but we just need the location and date.  


That pretty much sums it up!  Now that I'm back home, and I'm back at the computer more often (and not running things myself while my husband's at scout camp, or something like that), I'll be updating our blog more often too.  Thanks again for all of your support and prayers!!

Happy Mother's Day

I had a friend recently mention that I hadn't posted anything new on here for a while, so I wanted to check in.  We've had a flurry of activity around the Besse household, with Taekwondo classes, piano lessons, boy scouts, our Wilson County homeschool field day today, end-of-year parties with the kids' tutorial classes, and finishing up our regular schoolwork all the while...I could go on!  Tomorrow we're going to visit a retirement home with some other homeschool friends, where some of the kids will put on a skit for the residents there, and a some will play piano, and some will just visit and brings some treats to share.  My Jacob will play piano for them, although Sara says it's "too a-barrassing", as she seems to get a little shy in front of crowds.  :)  She can visit with the residents and share some cookies; that will suit her just fine.  Then Friday is the clean-up and work day at Grace Baptist Church, where my kids and I are so blessed to be a part of the New Life Academy co-op and tutorial.  Then after morning work at the church, Friday afternoon I'll make a quick dash to the grocery and get a few things to prepare for a lock-in we're hosting for young teens at Grace Bible Church in Lebanon (not to be confused with Grace Baptist, in Mt. Juliet, where the tutorial classes are held).  This is our first official adoption fund raising Event!  Wahoo!!  We're so excited!  Please pray with us that we'll have lots of wonderful guests having some great fun and a blessed time!  Oh yeah, and Monday is a zoo field trip.  Past that, I don't even remember.  Whew!  


But somewhere in the middle of all the activity, this weekend is Mother's Day.  Mother's Day is a lot to a homeschool mom, I think.  In case you never thought of it, it's like our employee appreciation day, bonus time, and Mother's Day all rolled into one!  But when I say "bonus", I'm not talking about a bonus check.  (Okay, so I do want a nice dinner at a restaurant that I choose all by myself--nobody gets to vote this time!)  But I look at my kids, and realize the trust that God put in me to raise these wonderful little people, and even though it may overwhelm me sometimes, I can't help but feel flattered and privileged.  It's nice to have a day when I can be appreciated, but also look at the gifts I'm given and appreciate being a mom as well.  


People tell me lots of interesting things when they find out I support adoption, and have an adopted child, and intend to adopt at least one more.  :)  I've had some people who want to challenge me by saying things like "Where are you adopting from?  You need to adopt from the United States, and take care of 'our kids' first."  You wouldn't believe what total strangers (or sometimes even people you know really well!) feel perfectly comfortable saying to a person about their choices on how they're building their family!  I've even had one person look at me and shake his head in bewilderment, as if not understanding, and say "Why don't you just take what God gives you?"  I usually tell them we're all God's children, regardless of geographical location, and God does give me my adopted children--He just uses a different method of delivery.  I also usually am able to resist the urge to add "DUH!" to the end of my responses.  Sometimes that's an accomplishment.  But by far, most people say it's just wonderful.  

Now, I like to talk about my kids, just like any other mom.  I also enjoy when people ask me about adoption, but not because I enjoy conversations in which people feel free to share their opinions of how I'm doing something wrong, or because I'm looking for those pats on the back.  I like talking about it because adoption is such a blessing and a joy to my family, and because I like to spread the word.  Some people might even say they'd like to adopt some day, but they aren't sure how to go about it, or how to handle the costs, and I love to be able to feed them information, in case they ever decide to consider the idea further.  


In these adoption-based conversations, the one comment that I get quite a lot, is something along the lines of "God bless you for adopting," and "Adoption is a beautiful act of charity."  And while I truly do appreciate these people's well wishes and nice thoughts, I don't consider adopting my kids an act of charity.  I just consider it bringing them home.  I admit, not everyone brings their kids home in the same manner, but there's nothing less wonderful about our biological children than adopted children; they're just all our kids, regardless.  So hats off to all the Moms out there in the world!  


Now when I think of a Mom, I may think about that a little differently than the average person.  I don't only think of my own mom, my husband's mom, myself, and all the other wonderful moms I know personally.  I also think of two other women in the world who were, at one time, a mother to my Sara--her birth mother, and her foster mother.  And every Mother's Day (along with every one of Sara's birthdays, and every Gotcha Day, and other random days too), I think of them.  You might say her birth mother was only a part of her life for a few days, or even for the 9 months preceding Sara's birthday plus a few days, but she deserves more credit than that.  I do realize the irony in telling a child that her mother loved her so much that she gave her away.  (By the way, I would never say that to a child, and don't think anyone else should either!  But I've read the blogs of two different adopted adults who have struggled with ideas such as this, so I want to be sensitive to the fact that an adopted child may, at some point, feel that way.)  But I know this woman's story, and it really was out of love that she gave us Sara.  Not to mention, in a country where a woman is often completely cut off from her family for becoming pregnant while unmarried, and where the number of abortions in their country, therefore, is Huge, I feel like it's a miracle that Sara is here at all.  So kudos, prayers, and an enormous, heartfelt "Thank You" to my daughter's birth mother!!  I know, "Thank you" isn't nearly enough, but there are times words just can't do the job.


Also, to all the foster moms in the world--WOW, I don't see how you do it.  The desire to become a foster parent is what initially brought up the idea of adoption in my house.  But we were stuck on one thing: We would have to give the children back!  I know one couple who foster parented for years, had three biological children, and eventually adopted three of their foster children.  I've talked with this mom about their experiences with foster parenting, and she said the hardest thing about being a foster parent was sending their foster children back to homes where they'd been abused, often repeatedly.  Can you imagine doing that?  But she and her husband wanted to give them a comfortable place to be, a haven to feel safe for even a while, even if they would get sent back to the same abusive home again.  In South Korea, foster parenting is pretty different, on the whole.  The vast majority of Korean foster parents keep and raise their foster children while these kids wait for their forever families and their adoptions to go through.  They raise these kids, maybe for a year, maybe for several years.  They change their diapers, feed them their first spoonfuls of rice cereal, and comfort then when they cry.  They see their first steps, rock them to sleep at night, and teach them how to hold a crayon, and how to spell their names.  And they cry and wave goodbye when these children are loaded into the taxis with the agency escorts who will take them to their homes.  Then they miss them, and probably think about them forever.  That, my friends, is selflessness. Happy Mother's Day to all the foster parents out there!


Then, finally, to all the forever moms in the world!  We are the people who get pooped on, peed on, thrown up on, cried on, pushed around, and in general, are usually spread way too thin!  But we know it's worth every minute.  We also get to see our children play with their childhood friends, learn to ride a bike, watch them leave for their first dates, and talk to them about that awkward boy/girl stuff as they get older.  We get to see them grow into adults, and we know how they're doing in college, or in their jobs or careers as adults.  And no matter what are our circumstances, our kids are a part of any Mom's heart forever.  To the woman who raised my husband to be the man he is today, to the mom who raised me and loved me (the youngest of nine) when I know she had way too much work for one woman to do, and to every great Mom I know, (and there are a lot!)...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I hope your Mother's Day weekend is fabulous!

My second daughter's first gift

A couple of weeks ago, I read another person's adoption blog, in which someone had commented that they "cringe" when they hear of people talking about adoption, saying that it's God's plan that the parents and their adopted child be a family.  For a second, I re-read that statement a couple of times to be sure I understood it correctly.  But the writer went on to say that the sad fact is, that every adoption begins with loss.  I can only speculate a bit here, but I suppose the writer might have thought God wouldn't have wanted them to lose their birth parents in the first place, so it wouldn't be in His divine plan for an adoptive family to be formed (???).  CLEARLY, I disagree with the latter part of that last sentence, but I will say this: every adoptive child has been dealt a great loss, but their loss has already happened.  Adoption begins with LOVE.  And I hope an adopted child's life also involves such a tremendous gain that it overwhelms the loss they might feel.  At least that's what I hope for my kids. 

For some reason, this particular blog, of all the ones I’ve read (and there are several), has stood out in my mind.  I think it’s because the writer mentioned God’s plans, and implied that adoption would not be something God planned for His children.  So I’d like to ask this: if not adoption, what does God have planned for orphaned children?   


With that in mind, I want to share a little story.  Last week, I went to visit my Montgomery family in Kentucky.  John had to work, but the kids and I had a great visit with family (while we missed him, of course).  We went there to see my niece Morgan's Confirmation.  For those readers who don't know, Catholic Confirmation is a big deal!  It's the time when a young Catholic person is grown-up and mature enough to decide their faith for themselves, and make a conscious decision to be 'confirmed' a Catholic.  Each Confirmation candidate goes through their religious education classes, and chooses a sponsor--someone to stand in front of the church with them, put their hand on their shoulder, saying 'Yes, this person is ready to be confirmed Catholic, and I will support her in her faith.'  And my niece asked me to be her sponsor!  What an honor!

You may be wondering, but I am getting back to the topic of adoption (since this is an adoption blog).  I wanted to get Morgan a small, but appropriate gift to remember the day she was confirmed, so I went into a Christian store to look for just the right thing.  We had been on a field trip that day, and had just finished a lunch at a restaurant, where my boys found a creative use of their paper napkin rings by folding them into neat little triangular 'footballs'.  Upon walking into the store, they realized right away that I would be browsing a while (they know me well), and went and found a nice little spot on the floor to flick their football into each other's makeshift goal posts (their fingers.)  Two of three were occupied!  Yes!  And when it comes to shopping, Sara is the one of my three kids who is right there with me, ready to browse with the best of them, so I thought she could help me choose Morgan’s gift.  But alas, Veggie Tales was playing on the TV in the kids' section, so I lost her attention, too.  No worries, now I could really take the time to look around like I wanted to.  


I considered every different thing, from pictures to necklaces, to little stone crosses to sit on a dresser, to a heart necklace with her birthstone in it (I almost got that one).  But before I finally settled on the little jeweled, framed cross for Morgan to hang on her wall, I noticed some photo frames with sayings on them.  As a lot of my blog readers know, I love taking pictures!  So naturally, I'm a sucker for unique frames.  I was glancing along the shelf, when one frame stopped me dead in my tracks.  It read:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

 I thought immediately of my daughter.  (The one I haven't met yet.) 

God created us, didn't He?  The Bible says "Before you were born, I knew you," (Jeremiah 1:5).  So He really would know us with inexplicable, deliberate detail.  He also knows what's going to happen in our lives, whether it's something He wants or not.  He knows if a child will be aborted before they're even born, and He knows if a child will be abused or neglected.  He also knows if a child will be abandoned. And while I seriously doubt God would ever plan any of those things for His children, for goodness sake, wouldn't we think God would want something more for them in their future, even if they've experienced something like that in their past?

I don't have all the answers, but I think we have to look at the big picture here.  God loves His children.  And we are all His children.  I don't think for a minute that He would ever want a child to grow up without a family.  Period.  That cannot be His plan.


There are a lot of things I don’t know, but while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about some other things that I do know, or at least some things I strongly believe.  I believe that my husband is the only person on the planet that I could ever be this happy with, and who could truly complete me.  (Maybe that's mushy, but it's true.)  And I believe that out of all the countless tiny bits of DNA He used to create my two boys, he chose them to be Exactly who He intended for them to be, and they are growing up right where He intends them to grow up.  I don't think any of it’s coincidence.  And along that same train of thought, I also believe that God created Sara to be with us.  I believe that when He created her, He knew her birth parents were not in a position where it was possible for them to care for and raise a child, and so He created her with the intention of her being a part of this family.  You can call me crazy, but there is no doubt of this in my mind.  She's like a bright, loving little puzzle piece that fits just right, because she's part of us.  She’s a part of our hearts, and we are a part of hers.  There will probably be times when she questions how she got here, and John and I will support her through that in every way we possibly can, and I know her brothers will, too. If I were in her shoes, I would wonder about things, too.  But none of that would ever mean that she's not exactly where God intends for her to be.

Now also along that same train of thought, I believe we have another daughter out there now, and we haven't met her yet.  But like I said, I don’t have all the answers.  Here are some things I don’t know.  I don't know why she was born so far away from us, or why we live so far away from her, and why it’s so difficult to bring her home.  I don’t understand why there is a country with such a predicament as not being able to house all the people born in that country, because of space, and why some countries can’t afford food for their children, and I don’t know why there are so many children in the world with no families.  I don’t understand why I was so lucky to be born in the United States into a family who loves me, but I’m glad I was.  I don't understand why God is calling us to adopt this little girl now, rather than when she was a baby.  Another adoptive mom told me that her daughter has asked her "Mom, why didn't you come to get me sooner?  I wanted and waited for you!"  (This little girl was seven when she came home.)  What am I going to say if my daughter asks me that some day?  I don't know that, either.   But I do know this: If we are going to adopt this little girl, then God has already marked her as ours.  And that one thing is what keeps us going when this seems impossible.  We know our child is somewhere without us, and she needs us. 

She will be here with us eventually, and all the waiting and the work will be worth it.  But right now, there are times I can’t stop thinking of where she is today...this month...this year.  And it worries me.  I think of how many birthdays she's had, and will have, without us.  And I wonder why she can't come home sooner.  I think of conditions in orphanages, and while the children who live in them are clothed and fed, it is not the same as being parented, and it is not the same as having a family.  I think of the many kids all around the world, in any country, on any continent...how some of them live in the streets...how some are orphaned, and no one even knows...how in some countries, where there aren't enough orphanages for their children, the kids take care of each other, just trying to survive, not even considering school or education, or birthday parties with their families, because some of these kids don’t know when their birthdays are...  I think of the ones that grow up and age out of their systems, without ever being adopted; and when they turn 18, or 21, or 40, they don't have a mom or dad to call them and say "Happy Birthday! I am SO GLAD you were born!"  And I know, without a doubt, that no matter how much in life I don’t understand, I know God must have something better planned for them.  We just have to do our part to help carry out those plans.

I read the passage "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," and it is very real to me that God speaks that message to all of us, everywhere.  He has plans for all my kids--for my sons and my daughters, for them to prosper, and for them to have a future--not a future filled with loss and regret, but a future full of love and promise.  A future filled with hope.  And even if I don’t know why our daughter is so far away, and have no idea how long it will take to bring her home, I know that God has a future planned for her, here with us.  So we have to keep going.

So there I stood, staring at this picture frame in the middle of Lifeway Christian Store, with big, fat tears in my eyes, like an idiot.  It’s amazing what can come rushing through a person’s mind in a matter of about a minute or so.  I tried to pull myself together, hoping to avoid the questions of "Mom, you look like you're crying.  Are you okay?  Why would you be standing in a bookstore, crying?", and I was grateful for paper footballs and Veggie Tales.  I know it will probably be a couple of years before our second little girl will come home, but I had to get that frame for her anyway.  I want her to know, some day, that we knew she had a future long before we even met her.  I like to imagine it with her picture in it, looking peaceful and happy, with those words surrounding her image--God's promise to her, and to all of us.  I pray that she somehow realizes that promise now, without her mom and dad, and her brothers and sister there to show her.  And with that, she can be happy while she waits for us, just as we are while we wait for her, with understanding of God’s plans in all our hearts.  “…Plans to give you hope and a future.”  

P.S. - Please stop by the coffee shop, purchase a t-shirt, or make a donation while you're here.  And don't forget to share this blog with your friends!  For those of you who are already doing that, thank you So Much!  

The Adoption Bug T-shirt store is up and running!

Our Adoption Bug t-shirt store is up and running as of this morning!  Hooray!!  We're so excited, and can't wait to get some t-shirts of our own so we can wear them and spread the good word about adoption!  We have six shirts for sale, and proceeds from every shirt go toward our little girl's adoption expenses.  Just click the t-shirt link on the right to take a look and see if there's a shirt (or a few) you'd love to get!  


Also, if you feel so led, please consider sharing this link with your family and friends!  Thanks again for all of your support!! 

It takes a village...

I've always liked the old saying "It takes a village to raise a family."  I think it also takes a village to bring one together sometimes.  We've had several friends in Lebanon who have offered to help out in the adoption fund raising, and I want to say thank you!!  We would not be able to do this alone!  :)  It means a lot to all of us. 


We're throwing around lots of ideas for the first fund raiser to get on the books, and ask that you all help us pray about what one(s) to do first.  There are so many possibilities, and so much to do!  It's exciting, and maybe a little bit overwhelming, but right now I'm just eager to get this ball rolling and make some progress!  If you have any ideas or suggestions, please feel free to share them with us.  We're currently considering a teen lock-in, a "Forever Family Fun Day", barbecue sales, and several other ideas we're looking into.  Of course we need to acquire permission, locations, and volunteers for these ideas, so we can make them happen.  I think we can do it!

Of course we already have our coffee store up and running (see the Just Love Coffee link to the right), and now we have another online store almost ready!  I got an e-mail this morning from the good people at www.AdoptionBug.com, saying that our adoption t-shirt store will be up and running some time this weekend!  (I'll post the link to it when it's operative.)  Profits from these t-shirts go to help orphans here and around the world.  And if you buy a shirt specifically from our store, it will go to fund our adoption!


In other happy news, today we're sending in our initial application to the adoption agency!  WOOHOO!!  Adopting requires a ton of paperwork, but I'm glad to feel that we have a start, even if we've only filled out the first few papers.  :) 


Sara is very excited about having a sister, and the boys seem to be feeling more excited about it, too.  When we first mentioned the idea, they had mixed reactions of feeling happy, and wanting to give a child a family, and just considering and adjusting to the idea of having another family member to share our things and space with.  They're such realists, like their mom and dad.  :)  They think of all the wonderful parts, and all the challenges of having four kids in the family too.  They are very compassionate by nature, though, and I am so proud of my kids for that.  Just the other day, we were talking about conditions in an African village we recently learned of, where there are 300 children in a single orphanage set on a 5-acre plot, and 1,200 children in the streets, waiting to get into the orphanage to have a better life there.  With Sara being only five years old, she doesn't fully understand the scope of things like that.  The boys think of these bits of information soberly, though.  Jacob thought for a moment, and said "Thank God we live here!".  He meant it literally.  I wholeheartedly agree! 


Later that day, we later saw a listing on an adoption website of a little 8-year-old Chinese boy who was perfectly healthy, made good grades in school, was beginning to learn English already, and really liked sports, especially martial arts.  If we weren't looking to adopt a little girl this time around, I would definitely have contacted the agency about that little guy.  Then the kids started talking about possibly adopting another boy some day, and how if we had all the money in the world, we could adopt 10 or 15 kids!  (Okay, this might be entertaining to talk about, but let's not get Too crazy!)  They talked about how happy the kids would be just to have a family who loved them, and brothers to help teach them Taekwondo, and how to shoot an air soft gun...then the conversation shifted to having a family air soft war, if we had enough people, and went off on a tangent from there.  But in the end, I hope and pray that my kids all grow up with a grateful heart, and a willingness to help others, and to open their hearts (and sometimes their homes) to those who need love.  I think they may be growing into just that kind of people. 


Did you know there are an estimated 147 million orphans in the world today?  It's a problem of epidemic proportions!  It can be overwhelming at times, because goodness knows one person (or one family, or even a city) can't help them all.  But when I get overwhelmed, even with my to-do list or with every-day life, I have to just break it down, pick a starting point, and take it one step at a time.  I saw a t-shirt the other day that said "How do you reach 147 million orphans?  One at at time."  I love that!  Of course, that doesn't mean every family should adopt.  Some people can adopt, while other people can help these kids find families by helping out with adoption fund raisers, donating to adoption agencies, by praying for them, purchasing fair trade coffee (see the link to the right) or purchasing an adoption t-shirt like this one, or in general helping spread the good word about adoption!  We can all be a part of the 'village' to help to raise a child, even if it's a child we may never meet.  There's a lot we all can do, and every little bit makes a very big difference in a child's life, in giving them something that can never be replaced--in giving them a family.  

To all the people who are a part of my kids' 'village', thank you so much!