I had a friend recently mention that I hadn't posted anything new on here for a while, so I wanted to check in. We've had a flurry of activity around the Besse household, with Taekwondo classes, piano lessons, boy scouts, our Wilson County homeschool field day today, end-of-year parties with the kids' tutorial classes, and finishing up our regular schoolwork all the while...I could go on! Tomorrow we're going to visit a retirement home with some other homeschool friends, where some of the kids will put on a skit for the residents there, and a some will play piano, and some will just visit and brings some treats to share. My Jacob will play piano for them, although Sara says it's "too a-barrassing", as she seems to get a little shy in front of crowds. :) She can visit with the residents and share some cookies; that will suit her just fine. Then Friday is the clean-up and work day at Grace Baptist Church, where my kids and I are so blessed to be a part of the New Life Academy co-op and tutorial. Then after morning work at the church, Friday afternoon I'll make a quick dash to the grocery and get a few things to prepare for a lock-in we're hosting for young teens at Grace Bible Church in Lebanon (not to be confused with Grace Baptist, in Mt. Juliet, where the tutorial classes are held). This is our first official adoption fund raising Event! Wahoo!! We're so excited! Please pray with us that we'll have lots of wonderful guests having some great fun and a blessed time! Oh yeah, and Monday is a zoo field trip. Past that, I don't even remember. Whew!
But somewhere in the middle of all the activity, this weekend is Mother's Day. Mother's Day is a lot to a homeschool mom, I think. In case you never thought of it, it's like our employee appreciation day, bonus time, and Mother's Day all rolled into one! But when I say "bonus", I'm not talking about a bonus check. (Okay, so I do want a nice dinner at a restaurant that I choose all by myself--nobody gets to vote this time!) But I look at my kids, and realize the trust that God put in me to raise these wonderful little people, and even though it may overwhelm me sometimes, I can't help but feel flattered and privileged. It's nice to have a day when I can be appreciated, but also look at the gifts I'm given and appreciate being a mom as well.
People tell me lots of interesting things when they find out I support adoption, and have an adopted child, and intend to adopt at least one more. :) I've had some people who want to challenge me by saying things like "Where are you adopting from? You need to adopt from the United States, and take care of 'our kids' first." You wouldn't believe what total strangers (or sometimes even people you know really well!) feel perfectly comfortable saying to a person about their choices on how they're building their family! I've even had one person look at me and shake his head in bewilderment, as if not understanding, and say "Why don't you just take what God gives you?" I usually tell them we're all God's children, regardless of geographical location, and God does give me my adopted children--He just uses a different method of delivery. I also usually am able to resist the urge to add "DUH!" to the end of my responses. Sometimes that's an accomplishment. But by far, most people say it's just wonderful.
Now, I like to talk about my kids, just like any other mom. I also enjoy when people ask me about adoption, but not because I enjoy conversations in which people feel free to share their opinions of how I'm doing something wrong, or because I'm looking for those pats on the back. I like talking about it because adoption is such a blessing and a joy to my family, and because I like to spread the word. Some people might even say they'd like to adopt some day, but they aren't sure how to go about it, or how to handle the costs, and I love to be able to feed them information, in case they ever decide to consider the idea further.
In these adoption-based conversations, the one comment that I get quite a lot, is something along the lines of "God bless you for adopting," and "Adoption is a beautiful act of charity." And while I truly do appreciate these people's well wishes and nice thoughts, I don't consider adopting my kids an act of charity. I just consider it bringing them home. I admit, not everyone brings their kids home in the same manner, but there's nothing less wonderful about our biological children than adopted children; they're just all our kids, regardless. So hats off to all the Moms out there in the world!
Now when I think of a Mom, I may think about that a little differently than the average person. I don't only think of my own mom, my husband's mom, myself, and all the other wonderful moms I know personally. I also think of two other women in the world who were, at one time, a mother to my Sara--her birth mother, and her foster mother. And every Mother's Day (along with every one of Sara's birthdays, and every Gotcha Day, and other random days too), I think of them. You might say her birth mother was only a part of her life for a few days, or even for the 9 months preceding Sara's birthday plus a few days, but she deserves more credit than that. I do realize the irony in telling a child that her mother loved her so much that she gave her away. (By the way, I would never say that to a child, and don't think anyone else should either! But I've read the blogs of two different adopted adults who have struggled with ideas such as this, so I want to be sensitive to the fact that an adopted child may, at some point, feel that way.) But I know this woman's story, and it really was out of love that she gave us Sara. Not to mention, in a country where a woman is often completely cut off from her family for becoming pregnant while unmarried, and where the number of abortions in their country, therefore, is Huge, I feel like it's a miracle that Sara is here at all. So kudos, prayers, and an enormous, heartfelt "Thank You" to my daughter's birth mother!! I know, "Thank you" isn't nearly enough, but there are times words just can't do the job.
Also, to all the foster moms in the world--WOW, I don't see how you do it. The desire to become a foster parent is what initially brought up the idea of adoption in my house. But we were stuck on one thing: We would have to give the children back! I know one couple who foster parented for years, had three biological children, and eventually adopted three of their foster children. I've talked with this mom about their experiences with foster parenting, and she said the hardest thing about being a foster parent was sending their foster children back to homes where they'd been abused, often repeatedly. Can you imagine doing that? But she and her husband wanted to give them a comfortable place to be, a haven to feel safe for even a while, even if they would get sent back to the same abusive home again. In South Korea, foster parenting is pretty different, on the whole. The vast majority of Korean foster parents keep and raise their foster children while these kids wait for their forever families and their adoptions to go through. They raise these kids, maybe for a year, maybe for several years. They change their diapers, feed them their first spoonfuls of rice cereal, and comfort then when they cry. They see their first steps, rock them to sleep at night, and teach them how to hold a crayon, and how to spell their names. And they cry and wave goodbye when these children are loaded into the taxis with the agency escorts who will take them to their homes. Then they miss them, and probably think about them forever. That, my friends, is selflessness. Happy Mother's Day to all the foster parents out there!
Then, finally, to all the forever moms in the world! We are the people who get pooped on, peed on, thrown up on, cried on, pushed around, and in general, are usually spread way too thin! But we know it's worth every minute. We also get to see our children play with their childhood friends, learn to ride a bike, watch them leave for their first dates, and talk to them about that awkward boy/girl stuff as they get older. We get to see them grow into adults, and we know how they're doing in college, or in their jobs or careers as adults. And no matter what are our circumstances, our kids are a part of any Mom's heart forever. To the woman who raised my husband to be the man he is today, to the mom who raised me and loved me (the youngest of nine) when I know she had way too much work for one woman to do, and to every great Mom I know, (and there are a lot!)...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I hope your Mother's Day weekend is fabulous!
But somewhere in the middle of all the activity, this weekend is Mother's Day. Mother's Day is a lot to a homeschool mom, I think. In case you never thought of it, it's like our employee appreciation day, bonus time, and Mother's Day all rolled into one! But when I say "bonus", I'm not talking about a bonus check. (Okay, so I do want a nice dinner at a restaurant that I choose all by myself--nobody gets to vote this time!) But I look at my kids, and realize the trust that God put in me to raise these wonderful little people, and even though it may overwhelm me sometimes, I can't help but feel flattered and privileged. It's nice to have a day when I can be appreciated, but also look at the gifts I'm given and appreciate being a mom as well.
People tell me lots of interesting things when they find out I support adoption, and have an adopted child, and intend to adopt at least one more. :) I've had some people who want to challenge me by saying things like "Where are you adopting from? You need to adopt from the United States, and take care of 'our kids' first." You wouldn't believe what total strangers (or sometimes even people you know really well!) feel perfectly comfortable saying to a person about their choices on how they're building their family! I've even had one person look at me and shake his head in bewilderment, as if not understanding, and say "Why don't you just take what God gives you?" I usually tell them we're all God's children, regardless of geographical location, and God does give me my adopted children--He just uses a different method of delivery. I also usually am able to resist the urge to add "DUH!" to the end of my responses. Sometimes that's an accomplishment. But by far, most people say it's just wonderful.
Now, I like to talk about my kids, just like any other mom. I also enjoy when people ask me about adoption, but not because I enjoy conversations in which people feel free to share their opinions of how I'm doing something wrong, or because I'm looking for those pats on the back. I like talking about it because adoption is such a blessing and a joy to my family, and because I like to spread the word. Some people might even say they'd like to adopt some day, but they aren't sure how to go about it, or how to handle the costs, and I love to be able to feed them information, in case they ever decide to consider the idea further.
In these adoption-based conversations, the one comment that I get quite a lot, is something along the lines of "God bless you for adopting," and "Adoption is a beautiful act of charity." And while I truly do appreciate these people's well wishes and nice thoughts, I don't consider adopting my kids an act of charity. I just consider it bringing them home. I admit, not everyone brings their kids home in the same manner, but there's nothing less wonderful about our biological children than adopted children; they're just all our kids, regardless. So hats off to all the Moms out there in the world!
Now when I think of a Mom, I may think about that a little differently than the average person. I don't only think of my own mom, my husband's mom, myself, and all the other wonderful moms I know personally. I also think of two other women in the world who were, at one time, a mother to my Sara--her birth mother, and her foster mother. And every Mother's Day (along with every one of Sara's birthdays, and every Gotcha Day, and other random days too), I think of them. You might say her birth mother was only a part of her life for a few days, or even for the 9 months preceding Sara's birthday plus a few days, but she deserves more credit than that. I do realize the irony in telling a child that her mother loved her so much that she gave her away. (By the way, I would never say that to a child, and don't think anyone else should either! But I've read the blogs of two different adopted adults who have struggled with ideas such as this, so I want to be sensitive to the fact that an adopted child may, at some point, feel that way.) But I know this woman's story, and it really was out of love that she gave us Sara. Not to mention, in a country where a woman is often completely cut off from her family for becoming pregnant while unmarried, and where the number of abortions in their country, therefore, is Huge, I feel like it's a miracle that Sara is here at all. So kudos, prayers, and an enormous, heartfelt "Thank You" to my daughter's birth mother!! I know, "Thank you" isn't nearly enough, but there are times words just can't do the job.
Also, to all the foster moms in the world--WOW, I don't see how you do it. The desire to become a foster parent is what initially brought up the idea of adoption in my house. But we were stuck on one thing: We would have to give the children back! I know one couple who foster parented for years, had three biological children, and eventually adopted three of their foster children. I've talked with this mom about their experiences with foster parenting, and she said the hardest thing about being a foster parent was sending their foster children back to homes where they'd been abused, often repeatedly. Can you imagine doing that? But she and her husband wanted to give them a comfortable place to be, a haven to feel safe for even a while, even if they would get sent back to the same abusive home again. In South Korea, foster parenting is pretty different, on the whole. The vast majority of Korean foster parents keep and raise their foster children while these kids wait for their forever families and their adoptions to go through. They raise these kids, maybe for a year, maybe for several years. They change their diapers, feed them their first spoonfuls of rice cereal, and comfort then when they cry. They see their first steps, rock them to sleep at night, and teach them how to hold a crayon, and how to spell their names. And they cry and wave goodbye when these children are loaded into the taxis with the agency escorts who will take them to their homes. Then they miss them, and probably think about them forever. That, my friends, is selflessness. Happy Mother's Day to all the foster parents out there!
Then, finally, to all the forever moms in the world! We are the people who get pooped on, peed on, thrown up on, cried on, pushed around, and in general, are usually spread way too thin! But we know it's worth every minute. We also get to see our children play with their childhood friends, learn to ride a bike, watch them leave for their first dates, and talk to them about that awkward boy/girl stuff as they get older. We get to see them grow into adults, and we know how they're doing in college, or in their jobs or careers as adults. And no matter what are our circumstances, our kids are a part of any Mom's heart forever. To the woman who raised my husband to be the man he is today, to the mom who raised me and loved me (the youngest of nine) when I know she had way too much work for one woman to do, and to every great Mom I know, (and there are a lot!)...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I hope your Mother's Day weekend is fabulous!
Happy Mother's day Mary.
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