Okay, I don't intend to blog every day (or anywhere close), but this one was too sweet not to share.
Sara has always been good at tugging at my heart strings without even knowing. When I'm not feeling well, she's the one who brings me a blanket and gives me a kiss, and asks if she can get me anything. Sometimes she'll show me a baby doll in a stroller, and says "Look at my new baby, Mama! I just adopted her today! It's her first day home, and look--her hair sticks up just like mine did." And sometimes she simply asks questions, and her innocence and sweet sincerity in those moments touches me in a way that is hard to describe.
We don't only talk about adoption when we celebrate her Gotcha Day, but it happened to be on her Gotcha Day this year that the conversation came up. Apparently, it had never really sunken in for her that I am her brothers' birth mother and their forever mom too. When that came up this time, it seemed like it really struck her for a minute. "You mean, you were their birth mom, and you didn't give them away??" she asked. "Well...then...why did my birth mother..." she wondered aloud. (Fyi, I wouldn't have referred to Sara has being 'given away', but those are the words she used in this case.) We said of course we kept the boys, because her Daddy and I were able to take care of them just fine. If we didn't have the money to buy bottles and diapers, or didn't have proper medical care (I explained what that meant), or we didn't have jobs, then that would be different. John and I also reminded her a bit about why her birth parents decided what they did for her. But, we said, we wanted to keep the boys just like we wanted to adopt and keep her, and God meant for us to be their forever parents, too. I think she really thought hard about that on the way home that night, even though her thoughts were frequently interrupted intermittently with utter silliness and giggles between herself and her brothers. The kids were really hamming it up that night for some reason. But I know she thought more about it, because later that evening, she brought it up again.
"Mom, how come my foster parents didn't just keep me and adopt me themselves, instead of just keeping me for a while until somebody else adopted me?" she asked when we were getting her ready for bed that night. We talked about that for a minute. We told her how foster parents' jobs are to keep babies and kids until they go home to their forever families, and her foster parents knew that's how it would be. I explained how we already knew she was ours, and her foster parents knew that too, but adoptions just take a long time, so they took great care of her and loved her while we all waited. "I'll bet my foster mom sure does miss me sometimes, and would be so happy to see me now," she told me. I said I'm sure she would. Who wouldn't be?! "And how did the people know that I was your baby, and how did you and Dad know that I was your baby too? How come I didn't just go to some other family? How did they choose? How did they know...who was the right people?" Struggling for words, she looked like she was fighting back tears. So I told her that in the case of many Korean babies, the people at the agency actually pray over the babies, and ask that God lead them to just the right parents for that child (true story), and out of the whole world full of parents, God chose us for her! Lucky us! (She liked that!) Her expression changed quickly, though, and she was back to blinking away tears. I thought she must have felt hurt that other families didn't all want to keep her, but then I realized that wasn't it. "I mean, I wouldn't want to hurt another family's feelings or anything, but I just would have to tell them."
"Tell them what, honey? What are you saying?" I asked her.
"I'd have to tell them that there was some kinda mistake or something, and I was supposed to be with you. I wouldn't want them to feel sad or anything, but I would have to tell them they needed to take me to you and Dad, and God chose you guys for my family."
I scooped her up in my lap, gave her a great big hug, smiled and told her that we wouldn't have to worry about that, because God had it all taken care of for us. He would never lead her anywhere else but here.
"I'm sure glad about that!!" she replied, smiling a relieved smile. "And Mom, um, that was a long hug."
I thought it was going to be our first conversation in which she felt any sense of loss or rejection from being "given up" for adoption. I know we may have a conversation about that (or several) some day, and that will be okay too. But for today, I was blessed to hear her telling me just how glad she is that God chose us to be together. I can't help but think she's not half as glad as we are.
Sara has always been good at tugging at my heart strings without even knowing. When I'm not feeling well, she's the one who brings me a blanket and gives me a kiss, and asks if she can get me anything. Sometimes she'll show me a baby doll in a stroller, and says "Look at my new baby, Mama! I just adopted her today! It's her first day home, and look--her hair sticks up just like mine did." And sometimes she simply asks questions, and her innocence and sweet sincerity in those moments touches me in a way that is hard to describe.
We don't only talk about adoption when we celebrate her Gotcha Day, but it happened to be on her Gotcha Day this year that the conversation came up. Apparently, it had never really sunken in for her that I am her brothers' birth mother and their forever mom too. When that came up this time, it seemed like it really struck her for a minute. "You mean, you were their birth mom, and you didn't give them away??" she asked. "Well...then...why did my birth mother..." she wondered aloud. (Fyi, I wouldn't have referred to Sara has being 'given away', but those are the words she used in this case.) We said of course we kept the boys, because her Daddy and I were able to take care of them just fine. If we didn't have the money to buy bottles and diapers, or didn't have proper medical care (I explained what that meant), or we didn't have jobs, then that would be different. John and I also reminded her a bit about why her birth parents decided what they did for her. But, we said, we wanted to keep the boys just like we wanted to adopt and keep her, and God meant for us to be their forever parents, too. I think she really thought hard about that on the way home that night, even though her thoughts were frequently interrupted intermittently with utter silliness and giggles between herself and her brothers. The kids were really hamming it up that night for some reason. But I know she thought more about it, because later that evening, she brought it up again.
"Mom, how come my foster parents didn't just keep me and adopt me themselves, instead of just keeping me for a while until somebody else adopted me?" she asked when we were getting her ready for bed that night. We talked about that for a minute. We told her how foster parents' jobs are to keep babies and kids until they go home to their forever families, and her foster parents knew that's how it would be. I explained how we already knew she was ours, and her foster parents knew that too, but adoptions just take a long time, so they took great care of her and loved her while we all waited. "I'll bet my foster mom sure does miss me sometimes, and would be so happy to see me now," she told me. I said I'm sure she would. Who wouldn't be?! "And how did the people know that I was your baby, and how did you and Dad know that I was your baby too? How come I didn't just go to some other family? How did they choose? How did they know...who was the right people?" Struggling for words, she looked like she was fighting back tears. So I told her that in the case of many Korean babies, the people at the agency actually pray over the babies, and ask that God lead them to just the right parents for that child (true story), and out of the whole world full of parents, God chose us for her! Lucky us! (She liked that!) Her expression changed quickly, though, and she was back to blinking away tears. I thought she must have felt hurt that other families didn't all want to keep her, but then I realized that wasn't it. "I mean, I wouldn't want to hurt another family's feelings or anything, but I just would have to tell them."
"Tell them what, honey? What are you saying?" I asked her.
"I'd have to tell them that there was some kinda mistake or something, and I was supposed to be with you. I wouldn't want them to feel sad or anything, but I would have to tell them they needed to take me to you and Dad, and God chose you guys for my family."
I scooped her up in my lap, gave her a great big hug, smiled and told her that we wouldn't have to worry about that, because God had it all taken care of for us. He would never lead her anywhere else but here.
"I'm sure glad about that!!" she replied, smiling a relieved smile. "And Mom, um, that was a long hug."
I thought it was going to be our first conversation in which she felt any sense of loss or rejection from being "given up" for adoption. I know we may have a conversation about that (or several) some day, and that will be okay too. But for today, I was blessed to hear her telling me just how glad she is that God chose us to be together. I can't help but think she's not half as glad as we are.
Oh she is so sweet!
ReplyDeleteHow precious that you could have that conversation and that you wrote it down to remember it. Not that you would forget that one! Sara is such a unique and thought-ful child. She will be a great big sister for your next little girl. Can't wait to see how God leads and provides. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete