A couple of weeks ago, I read another person's adoption blog, in which someone had commented that they "cringe" when they hear of people talking about adoption, saying that it's God's plan that the parents and their adopted child be a family. For a second, I re-read that statement a couple of times to be sure I understood it correctly. But the writer went on to say that the sad fact is, that every adoption begins with loss. I can only speculate a bit here, but I suppose the writer might have thought God wouldn't have wanted them to lose their birth parents in the first place, so it wouldn't be in His divine plan for an adoptive family to be formed (???). CLEARLY, I disagree with the latter part of that last sentence, but I will say this: every adoptive child has been dealt a great loss, but their loss has already happened. Adoption begins with LOVE. And I hope an adopted child's life also involves such a tremendous gain that it overwhelms the loss they might feel. At least that's what I hope for my kids.
For some reason, this particular blog, of all the ones I’ve read (and there are several), has stood out in my mind. I think it’s because the writer mentioned God’s plans, and implied that adoption would not be something God planned for His children. So I’d like to ask this: if not adoption, what does God have planned for orphaned children?
With that in mind, I want to share a little story. Last week, I went to visit my Montgomery family in Kentucky. John had to work, but the kids and I had a great visit with family (while we missed him, of course). We went there to see my niece Morgan's Confirmation. For those readers who don't know, Catholic Confirmation is a big deal! It's the time when a young Catholic person is grown-up and mature enough to decide their faith for themselves, and make a conscious decision to be 'confirmed' a Catholic. Each Confirmation candidate goes through their religious education classes, and chooses a sponsor--someone to stand in front of the church with them, put their hand on their shoulder, saying 'Yes, this person is ready to be confirmed Catholic, and I will support her in her faith.' And my niece asked me to be her sponsor! What an honor!
You may be wondering, but I am getting back to the topic of adoption (since this is an adoption blog). I wanted to get Morgan a small, but appropriate gift to remember the day she was confirmed, so I went into a Christian store to look for just the right thing. We had been on a field trip that day, and had just finished a lunch at a restaurant, where my boys found a creative use of their paper napkin rings by folding them into neat little triangular 'footballs'. Upon walking into the store, they realized right away that I would be browsing a while (they know me well), and went and found a nice little spot on the floor to flick their football into each other's makeshift goal posts (their fingers.) Two of three were occupied! Yes! And when it comes to shopping, Sara is the one of my three kids who is right there with me, ready to browse with the best of them, so I thought she could help me choose Morgan’s gift. But alas, Veggie Tales was playing on the TV in the kids' section, so I lost her attention, too. No worries, now I could really take the time to look around like I wanted to.
I considered every different thing, from pictures to necklaces, to little stone crosses to sit on a dresser, to a heart necklace with her birthstone in it (I almost got that one). But before I finally settled on the little jeweled, framed cross for Morgan to hang on her wall, I noticed some photo frames with sayings on them. As a lot of my blog readers know, I love taking pictures! So naturally, I'm a sucker for unique frames. I was glancing along the shelf, when one frame stopped me dead in my tracks. It read:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I thought immediately of my daughter. (The one I haven't met yet.)
God created us, didn't He? The Bible says "Before you were born, I knew you," (Jeremiah 1:5). So He really would know us with inexplicable, deliberate detail. He also knows what's going to happen in our lives, whether it's something He wants or not. He knows if a child will be aborted before they're even born, and He knows if a child will be abused or neglected. He also knows if a child will be abandoned. And while I seriously doubt God would ever plan any of those things for His children, for goodness sake, wouldn't we think God would want something more for them in their future, even if they've experienced something like that in their past?
I don't have all the answers, but I think we have to look at the big picture here. God loves His children. And we are all His children. I don't think for a minute that He would ever want a child to grow up without a family. Period. That cannot be His plan.
There are a lot of things I don’t know, but while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about some other things that I do know, or at least some things I strongly believe. I believe that my husband is the only person on the planet that I could ever be this happy with, and who could truly complete me. (Maybe that's mushy, but it's true.) And I believe that out of all the countless tiny bits of DNA He used to create my two boys, he chose them to be Exactly who He intended for them to be, and they are growing up right where He intends them to grow up. I don't think any of it’s coincidence. And along that same train of thought, I also believe that God created Sara to be with us. I believe that when He created her, He knew her birth parents were not in a position where it was possible for them to care for and raise a child, and so He created her with the intention of her being a part of this family. You can call me crazy, but there is no doubt of this in my mind. She's like a bright, loving little puzzle piece that fits just right, because she's part of us. She’s a part of our hearts, and we are a part of hers. There will probably be times when she questions how she got here, and John and I will support her through that in every way we possibly can, and I know her brothers will, too. If I were in her shoes, I would wonder about things, too. But none of that would ever mean that she's not exactly where God intends for her to be.
Now also along that same train of thought, I believe we have another daughter out there now, and we haven't met her yet. But like I said, I don’t have all the answers. Here are some things I don’t know. I don't know why she was born so far away from us, or why we live so far away from her, and why it’s so difficult to bring her home. I don’t understand why there is a country with such a predicament as not being able to house all the people born in that country, because of space, and why some countries can’t afford food for their children, and I don’t know why there are so many children in the world with no families. I don’t understand why I was so lucky to be born in the United States into a family who loves me, but I’m glad I was. I don't understand why God is calling us to adopt this little girl now, rather than when she was a baby. Another adoptive mom told me that her daughter has asked her "Mom, why didn't you come to get me sooner? I wanted and waited for you!" (This little girl was seven when she came home.) What am I going to say if my daughter asks me that some day? I don't know that, either. But I do know this: If we are going to adopt this little girl, then God has already marked her as ours. And that one thing is what keeps us going when this seems impossible. We know our child is somewhere without us, and she needs us.
She will be here with us eventually, and all the waiting and the work will be worth it. But right now, there are times I can’t stop thinking of where she is today...this month...this year. And it worries me. I think of how many birthdays she's had, and will have, without us. And I wonder why she can't come home sooner. I think of conditions in orphanages, and while the children who live in them are clothed and fed, it is not the same as being parented, and it is not the same as having a family. I think of the many kids all around the world, in any country, on any continent...how some of them live in the streets...how some are orphaned, and no one even knows...how in some countries, where there aren't enough orphanages for their children, the kids take care of each other, just trying to survive, not even considering school or education, or birthday parties with their families, because some of these kids don’t know when their birthdays are... I think of the ones that grow up and age out of their systems, without ever being adopted; and when they turn 18, or 21, or 40, they don't have a mom or dad to call them and say "Happy Birthday! I am SO GLAD you were born!" And I know, without a doubt, that no matter how much in life I don’t understand, I know God must have something better planned for them. We just have to do our part to help carry out those plans.
I read the passage "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," and it is very real to me that God speaks that message to all of us, everywhere. He has plans for all my kids--for my sons and my daughters, for them to prosper, and for them to have a future--not a future filled with loss and regret, but a future full of love and promise. A future filled with hope. And even if I don’t know why our daughter is so far away, and have no idea how long it will take to bring her home, I know that God has a future planned for her, here with us. So we have to keep going.
So there I stood, staring at this picture frame in the middle of Lifeway Christian Store, with big, fat tears in my eyes, like an idiot. It’s amazing what can come rushing through a person’s mind in a matter of about a minute or so. I tried to pull myself together, hoping to avoid the questions of "Mom, you look like you're crying. Are you okay? Why would you be standing in a bookstore, crying?", and I was grateful for paper footballs and Veggie Tales. I know it will probably be a couple of years before our second little girl will come home, but I had to get that frame for her anyway. I want her to know, some day, that we knew she had a future long before we even met her. I like to imagine it with her picture in it, looking peaceful and happy, with those words surrounding her image--God's promise to her, and to all of us. I pray that she somehow realizes that promise now, without her mom and dad, and her brothers and sister there to show her. And with that, she can be happy while she waits for us, just as we are while we wait for her, with understanding of God’s plans in all our hearts. “…Plans to give you hope and a future.”
P.S. - Please stop by the coffee shop, purchase a t-shirt, or make a donation while you're here. And don't forget to share this blog with your friends! For those of you who are already doing that, thank you So Much!
For some reason, this particular blog, of all the ones I’ve read (and there are several), has stood out in my mind. I think it’s because the writer mentioned God’s plans, and implied that adoption would not be something God planned for His children. So I’d like to ask this: if not adoption, what does God have planned for orphaned children?
With that in mind, I want to share a little story. Last week, I went to visit my Montgomery family in Kentucky. John had to work, but the kids and I had a great visit with family (while we missed him, of course). We went there to see my niece Morgan's Confirmation. For those readers who don't know, Catholic Confirmation is a big deal! It's the time when a young Catholic person is grown-up and mature enough to decide their faith for themselves, and make a conscious decision to be 'confirmed' a Catholic. Each Confirmation candidate goes through their religious education classes, and chooses a sponsor--someone to stand in front of the church with them, put their hand on their shoulder, saying 'Yes, this person is ready to be confirmed Catholic, and I will support her in her faith.' And my niece asked me to be her sponsor! What an honor!
You may be wondering, but I am getting back to the topic of adoption (since this is an adoption blog). I wanted to get Morgan a small, but appropriate gift to remember the day she was confirmed, so I went into a Christian store to look for just the right thing. We had been on a field trip that day, and had just finished a lunch at a restaurant, where my boys found a creative use of their paper napkin rings by folding them into neat little triangular 'footballs'. Upon walking into the store, they realized right away that I would be browsing a while (they know me well), and went and found a nice little spot on the floor to flick their football into each other's makeshift goal posts (their fingers.) Two of three were occupied! Yes! And when it comes to shopping, Sara is the one of my three kids who is right there with me, ready to browse with the best of them, so I thought she could help me choose Morgan’s gift. But alas, Veggie Tales was playing on the TV in the kids' section, so I lost her attention, too. No worries, now I could really take the time to look around like I wanted to.
I considered every different thing, from pictures to necklaces, to little stone crosses to sit on a dresser, to a heart necklace with her birthstone in it (I almost got that one). But before I finally settled on the little jeweled, framed cross for Morgan to hang on her wall, I noticed some photo frames with sayings on them. As a lot of my blog readers know, I love taking pictures! So naturally, I'm a sucker for unique frames. I was glancing along the shelf, when one frame stopped me dead in my tracks. It read:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I thought immediately of my daughter. (The one I haven't met yet.)
God created us, didn't He? The Bible says "Before you were born, I knew you," (Jeremiah 1:5). So He really would know us with inexplicable, deliberate detail. He also knows what's going to happen in our lives, whether it's something He wants or not. He knows if a child will be aborted before they're even born, and He knows if a child will be abused or neglected. He also knows if a child will be abandoned. And while I seriously doubt God would ever plan any of those things for His children, for goodness sake, wouldn't we think God would want something more for them in their future, even if they've experienced something like that in their past?
I don't have all the answers, but I think we have to look at the big picture here. God loves His children. And we are all His children. I don't think for a minute that He would ever want a child to grow up without a family. Period. That cannot be His plan.
There are a lot of things I don’t know, but while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about some other things that I do know, or at least some things I strongly believe. I believe that my husband is the only person on the planet that I could ever be this happy with, and who could truly complete me. (Maybe that's mushy, but it's true.) And I believe that out of all the countless tiny bits of DNA He used to create my two boys, he chose them to be Exactly who He intended for them to be, and they are growing up right where He intends them to grow up. I don't think any of it’s coincidence. And along that same train of thought, I also believe that God created Sara to be with us. I believe that when He created her, He knew her birth parents were not in a position where it was possible for them to care for and raise a child, and so He created her with the intention of her being a part of this family. You can call me crazy, but there is no doubt of this in my mind. She's like a bright, loving little puzzle piece that fits just right, because she's part of us. She’s a part of our hearts, and we are a part of hers. There will probably be times when she questions how she got here, and John and I will support her through that in every way we possibly can, and I know her brothers will, too. If I were in her shoes, I would wonder about things, too. But none of that would ever mean that she's not exactly where God intends for her to be.
Now also along that same train of thought, I believe we have another daughter out there now, and we haven't met her yet. But like I said, I don’t have all the answers. Here are some things I don’t know. I don't know why she was born so far away from us, or why we live so far away from her, and why it’s so difficult to bring her home. I don’t understand why there is a country with such a predicament as not being able to house all the people born in that country, because of space, and why some countries can’t afford food for their children, and I don’t know why there are so many children in the world with no families. I don’t understand why I was so lucky to be born in the United States into a family who loves me, but I’m glad I was. I don't understand why God is calling us to adopt this little girl now, rather than when she was a baby. Another adoptive mom told me that her daughter has asked her "Mom, why didn't you come to get me sooner? I wanted and waited for you!" (This little girl was seven when she came home.) What am I going to say if my daughter asks me that some day? I don't know that, either. But I do know this: If we are going to adopt this little girl, then God has already marked her as ours. And that one thing is what keeps us going when this seems impossible. We know our child is somewhere without us, and she needs us.
She will be here with us eventually, and all the waiting and the work will be worth it. But right now, there are times I can’t stop thinking of where she is today...this month...this year. And it worries me. I think of how many birthdays she's had, and will have, without us. And I wonder why she can't come home sooner. I think of conditions in orphanages, and while the children who live in them are clothed and fed, it is not the same as being parented, and it is not the same as having a family. I think of the many kids all around the world, in any country, on any continent...how some of them live in the streets...how some are orphaned, and no one even knows...how in some countries, where there aren't enough orphanages for their children, the kids take care of each other, just trying to survive, not even considering school or education, or birthday parties with their families, because some of these kids don’t know when their birthdays are... I think of the ones that grow up and age out of their systems, without ever being adopted; and when they turn 18, or 21, or 40, they don't have a mom or dad to call them and say "Happy Birthday! I am SO GLAD you were born!" And I know, without a doubt, that no matter how much in life I don’t understand, I know God must have something better planned for them. We just have to do our part to help carry out those plans.
I read the passage "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," and it is very real to me that God speaks that message to all of us, everywhere. He has plans for all my kids--for my sons and my daughters, for them to prosper, and for them to have a future--not a future filled with loss and regret, but a future full of love and promise. A future filled with hope. And even if I don’t know why our daughter is so far away, and have no idea how long it will take to bring her home, I know that God has a future planned for her, here with us. So we have to keep going.
So there I stood, staring at this picture frame in the middle of Lifeway Christian Store, with big, fat tears in my eyes, like an idiot. It’s amazing what can come rushing through a person’s mind in a matter of about a minute or so. I tried to pull myself together, hoping to avoid the questions of "Mom, you look like you're crying. Are you okay? Why would you be standing in a bookstore, crying?", and I was grateful for paper footballs and Veggie Tales. I know it will probably be a couple of years before our second little girl will come home, but I had to get that frame for her anyway. I want her to know, some day, that we knew she had a future long before we even met her. I like to imagine it with her picture in it, looking peaceful and happy, with those words surrounding her image--God's promise to her, and to all of us. I pray that she somehow realizes that promise now, without her mom and dad, and her brothers and sister there to show her. And with that, she can be happy while she waits for us, just as we are while we wait for her, with understanding of God’s plans in all our hearts. “…Plans to give you hope and a future.”
P.S. - Please stop by the coffee shop, purchase a t-shirt, or make a donation while you're here. And don't forget to share this blog with your friends! For those of you who are already doing that, thank you So Much!
